“I Was A Fool”

“What do you mean you’re never coming back? Are your parents making you quit or something?” He asked

I fought back tears at the thought of my mother and how I would never see her again. I had been a fool to hope I would, to think I would ever be accepted in this world.

“I was a fool. I’m sorry” I said shoving the apron into his hands and doing the only thing I could think of; run out the door into the forest where I had hid my bike.

“Megan!” I heard him shout chasing after me. 

I hid behind a pine tree, amongst the branches, trying to calm down and see if he was still following me.

“Megan please just explain!” he pleaded “help me understand!”

“I can’t tell you!” I said “Even if I did you would hate me because of it!”

“I won’t hate you. I promise. Just tell me. Please!” 

I peeked out from behind my tree so I could see him. 

“Do you know about the…” I couldn’t say it. I made a gun with my fingers and jerked it like a gunshot at the ground.

He looked down “Yeah I know about the shooting.”

“Do you know who did it?” I asked.

“Some kid who got Positive on the Tests.” He said shrugging “Apparently he escaped whatever prison or whatever that they get sent to near here.”

I winced at the word prison. Ridgecleft was a haven not a prison, or at least it used to be.

“I knew him.” I said quietly “He was on my mountain biking team.” 

“What are you saying?” he said breathlessly his eyes widening.

I stepped out and lifted my arm showing him my red armband. My head screamed at me to run, to hide, to not be revealing where I was from. Images from the videos of mobs attacking Treatment centers jumped to my mind. 

“I’m one of the people who got Positive on the Tests. I hate what he did. All of us do. They’re increasing security there so I won’t be able to come back again.”

Please don’t hate me,Please don’t hate me,Please don’t hate me..

“Then wh-why did you come this time?” he asked shocked and confused.

“I knew that if I didn’t tell you goodbye I’d regret it for the rest of my life.”

I glanced at my watch, it was time to go. I backed away from him making sure to keep him in my sights and picked up my bike from the bushes.

“I need to go.” I said, putting on my helmet. I hoped that I could make it back into Rigecleft using the bike trails.

“Wait!” He rushed up to me as I sat down on the seat. “Don’t go! Please! I need to know what happens! Why do people have to leave? What do they do there?”

“I can’t tell you!”

“Megan you aren’t like that kid at the school yesterday! Why can’t you stay?”

Juliet’s words from earlier rang in my ears.“‘That shooter! That’s the reason people like them have to get help! Why don’t they speak up sooner? They’re better off locked up. It’s safer that way.’” 

Anger bubbled up inside me again and I tried to push it down. Anger was dangerous. Anger hurts people. Again the words came to my mind of all the things I’d wanted to shout at her. 

Why would we speak up if that’s how you see us?! How do you know what this is like?! Just because I got positive doesn’t mean I’m a killer! I would never hurt anyone!

“Why can’t you stay Megan?” he asked again.

“Because it’s dangerous!” I said practically shouting “The town hates us now! I wouldn’t last an hour here!”

Because I’m dangerous.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. “I need to go. If I don’t get back soon I’ll get in trouble. I was taking too much of a risk just by coming here!”

I pedaled away from him onto the sidewalk and quickly got to the trail where I picked up speed as I went up the path I had ridden so many times. The trees seemed to embrace me in their shadows and I felt myself calm slightly like a soldier that had just came out of enemy territory. As I crested a hill I looked down at Northpoint one last time. The school was in the distance and I could see the flag hanging at half mast. I could see the bakery where I had worked and wondered how everyone else would react to finding out where I had come from.

I told myself it didn’t matter. I told myself not to care. I would never see them again. I would never bake cookies and laugh at their jokes. I would never ride this trail again or race Chandler back to Ridgecleft after work. 

I forced myself to turn away from the town and the friends I had left behind. I would have thought that after having to say goodbye to my mother it would be easy to say goodbye to people I had only known a few months but I found it wasn’t. I pedaled my bike down the dirt track and let my tears fall.