Armbands (Chapter 5)

The Surprise

When I woke up the next morning light was starting to stream through the window. For a moment I wasn’t sure where I was but then I remembered what had happened and where I was. I kept my covers over me for a minute then forced myself to get up. 

I looked around remembering that I hadn’t brought any clothes with me and I wondered what I should wear. I went up to one of the dressers and to my surprise found that there were cards on each of them with each of our names. I went to the one with my name and opened the top drawer. Inside I found jenes,a blue t-shirt, clean underwear,and socks. I changed into the clothes stashing my own in the bottom drawer which was empty. 

I spotted a paper on top of the dresser that I hadn’t seen before. I picked it up and saw it was a schedule. 

Activity	Time	Place
Breakfast	7:30-9:00 A.M.	Cafeteria
Check In	9:00-9:30 A.M.	Cafeteria
Treatment	9:30-11:00 P.M	M. H. Building
Lunch	11:00-1:30 P.M	Cafeteria
Freetime	1:30-6:00 P.M	Anywhere
Dinner	6:00-7:30 P.M	Cafeteria
Freetime	7:30-9:00 P.M	Loge
Curfew	9:00 P.M.	Loge or designated areas

I scanned the schedule and instinctively reached for my phone to check the time panicking when I couldn’t find it. I opened the drawer intending to look in my pants pockets for it when I remembered that I no longer had one. Looking around I found a clock hanging on the wall above the door. It was 7:05. I still had 25 minutes until breakfast. Turning the schedule over I found a map saying the names of all the different buildings. I found the M.H. Building and saw it was one of the biggest along with the Loge.

I went to my pack and pulled out the picture of my family. My mother on one side with me in front of her my older brother who went off to college in another country for a foreign exchange program and my father standing next to my mom. He had died when I was young from heart disease. I put the picture on my dresser.

I pulled out my notebook and a pencil. I looked at the date of yesterday to find today’s and wrote down what had happened last night. The large buildings here,the teens who had given us a standing ovation,Mrs.Lenans speech, my new friends,Vinessa leaving,and my room. I turned the page, wrote down the schedule and tried to draw a quick sketch of the map on the back of the page. 

I looked up at the clock and saw that it was 7:33! I put my pack notebook away, picked up the schedule and my rubbing rock and rushed out to breakfast.

***

I looked at the door for the umpteenth time during breakfast. Vinessa hadn’t been there when I arrived but I had quickly found the new friends we had made last night. I looked down at my waffles with powdered sugar and tried my best to stop my out of control thoughts.

Where is she? Did something happen to her? Why won’t they say where she went? Why won’t they say why we’re here? Did she have to run away and is lost in the woods? Should I go looking for her? How do I find her in this huge place? 

I hid my hand under the table and squeezed my small rock until my knuckles turned white. I could feel myself shaking even though it wasn’t visible,it was small and deep; within my very bones and muscles.

“Hey; you ok?” Brooklyn asked looking at me. 

I forced a smile on my face. “I’m fine,just… worried about Vinessa.”

“Well you don’t need to be.” she said with a comforting smile. “We wouldn’t call it a surprise if it was bad.”

I nodded and looked at the door again.This time a group of people walked in and I spotted Vinessa in the crowd. She waved at me smiling as if she had just found out it was Saturday when she thought it was monday. I forced myself to stay in my seat and wait for her to come over even though I wanted to run up, hug her and ask her a million questions.

She came over and we hugged after she put her food down. I turned to her once she sat down.

“Don’t spoil it!” Brooklyn said to her before I could even start my question.

Vinessa looked at her incredulously. “As if I’d ruin that! Sorry Megan, you have to find out the surprise on your own. I’m not saying.” She zipped her lips closed,locked them, and threw away the key. 

I looked at them all, they smiled at Vinessa. She smiled back at them all and nodded as if they asked her a question without speaking. I looked down at my food and kept eating; apparently I wouldn’t get answers from Vinessa. I hadn’t realized how much I had been relying on that. Now I felt as if I was back at the beginning. Alone without any information.

A woman came down the aisle and handed Vinessa and I small cards that looked like credit cards with our pictures on them. I turned to Brooklyn and asked what they were for.

“Ohh yay! Those are Cred Cards! They let you buy things at the stores! We should totally go during freetime.Show you two around!”

“Don’t Credit Cards you have to pay interest on them? I don’t have any money.” Vinessa said confused.

“Not Credit cards. Cred cards”Mia said “they’re pretty much like debit cards only without real money. The better grades you get during school the more credits you get for the next term.”

“Cool!” I said smiling. Finally, stressing myself out about my grades- constantly- got me something! I distracted myself by thinking about what there might be in the shops, thinking of things I needed. I rolled my shoulders hearing my back pop remembering how it was always sore and hoped that one of the shops had a back massager. 

After breakfast Vinessa and I went to the Loge so I could show her our room. She stepped into our room and smiled at the view from the window. She looked at the bunk beds. 

“Can I have the top?” she asked. I nodded.

I was glad to have Vinessa back with her contagious smile taking an edge off my nerves that made me so tense. She climbed to the top of the beds and motioned for me to join her. I climbed up the ladder and sat with her looking down at our room.

“Sooo…where did you go last night?” I asked hoping for an answer.

“There’s a building called the M.H building over that way.” she said pointing down through the window to a path I hadn’t seen before in between the cafeteria and the shops leading into the forest.

“It’s really big.” she continued “They built it out there because it doesn’t really match the look of all the stuff here, it’s more modern and industrial looking and stuff.” 

“Vinessa,the schedule says that we go to the M.H. building for treatment. Do-do we have a disease?”

She looked down at her hands. She nodded.

but…I don’t feel sick. 

“I can’t tell you anything else.” she said, “you need to head out soon anyways.”

I looked at the clock and saw she was right I had to leave in two minutes to get to the building on time.I looked at her as we both got down, pleading. Fear was creeping into me and I felt prickles slide across my skin.

Vinessa pulled me into a hug. Warm,gentle,strong. “How long have you been afraid?” she whispered in my ear.

“Is it bad?” I asked “The surprise?”

“Don’t be scared of it…or maybe you should,might make it even better.”

She let go. The words still ringing in my ear.

I went out the door and down the stairs. Outside it had gotten warmer and the sun had risen over the peak of the mountain. I went to the paved path Vinessa had pointed to in between the shops and the cafeteria.

I saw more people walking up the path toward the building beginning to poke through the trees. I debated running off into the trees but decided against it; I had to know.

Vinessa had been accurate in her description of the building. It was large and white with large doors in front of it. It was so abrupt that I stopped to stare at it a moment. Then I went up the steps and through the front door.

***

The lobby was large and had lots of people roaming about some of the newer people like me standing around nervously whispering to each other. 

“Where do we go?”… “what do you think’s gonna happen?” …“one big guy said it hurts but another said he was lying.”

I rubbed my smooth rock in my hand and looked around trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. I spotted a large desk like the sort in hotels and walked up to it. There was a neatly dressed woman with her brown hair in a bun. 

“Hello dear what can I do for you?” She asked with a smile.

“Uh..Hi, I’m.. uh.. new. My schedule said to come here for treatment or something…” I gripped the rock in my hand tightly “do you know where I’m supposed to go for that?”

“Oh right! The new arrivals! I was wondering why there were so many people milling about here.So sorry!” She turned to the computer “what’s your name?”

“Megan Willington”

“Aha! There you are Megan! Let’s see here you are with Ms.Morgen. She should be waiting for you in room eight right down the hall!”

“Thank you!” I said smiling.

As I walked over to the hallway to the left of the desk I could hear her calling out to the other new arrivals who were milling about. I walked down the hall lined with doors and searched for room number eight. 

I found the room with the door open and I carefully poked my head around the corner to look in staying partially hidden by the wall. I realized at some point I had risen to my toes to walk more quietly down the hall. 

I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting to see in this room but a couch with blankets and a table with puzzles and a box of tissues wasn’t it.

There was a woman in white scrubs with light brown hair sitting at a computer facing away from the door. I hesitantly stepped into the room. I mustered up some courage.

“H-Hello?” I said my voice sounding thundurus compared to the blessed silence.

The woman turned from her computer and faced me,her face growing into a warm smile. She had light brown hair and bright green eyes. She stood up.

“Oh! Hello there,I’m Ms.Morgen what’s your name?”

I answered simply even though I wanted to start asking a million questions. I felt so tense that my back was starting to hurt and I had to keep my mouth closed to stop myself from demanding answers to the questions in my mind.

“Megan.”

She nodded. “ Nice to meet you! Can I see your wristband please?”

I held it out and she looked at the information noting something on a clipboard by the computer. I decided I should probably ask some of my questions but before I could say a word Ms.Morgan went out the door telling me to follow her.

I followed her out the door going down the hallway in silence as we passed corners and went through doors. I tried to keep track but quickly got lost in all the halls. 

“Where are we going?” I asked trying to keep my voice steady.

“We need to get you an MRI scan real quick before we start your treatment.” she said pleasantly.

“What’s an MRI again?” I asked drawing a blank.

“It’s a machine that scans you using magnetic pulses and radio waves to get a good look at the inside of your body. We’ll only be doing your head though.”

Ms.Morgan stopped at a door. “Do you have any earrings or metal on Megan? The magnetic field is very strong.”

I looked at myself I didn’t have any metal on except the zipper of my pants, my Cred card and room card in my pockets. I instinctively felt a spike of panic at not finding my phone before I reminded myself that I no longer had one. I showed her my cards and my small rock; she took my things putting them in a small locker by the door. She opened the door to the room and we stepped in.

The MRI was large and took up much of the room. The machine was white and cylinder shaped on its side with a small hole in it. In front of the machine there was a bed connected to the cylinder with tracks and lifts under it so the bed could move into the hole.

Ms.Morgan went over to the machine and looked it over pressing a button and making lights come on and a whirring sound start. She moved to the bed, placing a pillow on the place nearest the hole into the machine.

I stood by watching nervously. My hands had too much energy in them without my rock to rub and I pressed my thumb nail to my fingertip trying to have the pain distract me. My arms felt tense and they moved closer to my body as if to protect me. I folded my arms wincing at how cold my hands were. I took a deep breath.

It’ll be alright. I hesitantly stepped up toward the MRI and looked into the hole. I could see what looked like a plastic cage that looked big enough for a person’s head to fit in and a mirror above the cage so the person could look out. 

“Alright; can you lay down right here for me Megan?” Ms.Morgan said with a smile patting the bed.

I nodded and obediently laid down on the bed, ignoring the pain in my back. I gripped my hands together nervously on top of myself. Relax I told myself in my head trying to feel more comfortable.

Ms.Morgan smiled comfortingly at me. “Don’t worry, Mary here is nice.” she said patting the machine. “She’s just a tunnel with cameras in it who likes to sing weird songs to the patients. All you have to do is lay there and keep your head as still as possible so the pictures are clear.”

I smiled. Ms.Morgan pressed a button on the side of Mary and the bed I was laying on rose toward the hole. The plastic cage I had seen when I had looked in came out and rested over my head but didn’t touch me. Ms.Morgan adjusted the mirror on top so I could see out at the rest of the room. Ms.Morgen pressed another button and the bed I was laying on moved along with the cage into the hole.

I only went in to my shoulders the rest of me out in the room. Hello Mary. I thought to the machine looking up at it in the dim light. I hear you’re going to sing me a song. 

I heard a whirring sound start up and a clunking sound started along with it. It continued getting a bit louder than I would have liked but I focused on not moving my head. I glanced up at the mirror and spotted Ms.Morgan out of the side of the hole.I liked that I could see her; it let me know I wasn’t alone. I gripped my hands trying in vain to warm them up and give them something to do.

After about twenty minutes the bed moved again and I came back out. I sat up blinking in the bright light and got down from the bed standing up. My hands felt unsteady without my rock and I wanted to get it back in my hands. Ms.Morgan stepped in front of me.

“Megan can you do something for me?”

“What?” I asked acting like I didn’t want to get out the door as fast as I could to get my rock back.

“Hold out your hands,like this.” she held her hands up palms facing the ground.

I lifted my hands my fingers curled into fists as if they were trying to hide. I slowly uncurled my fingers wincing even though it didn’t hurt. I held out my hands fingers out. My fingers twitched my pointer finger jumping up and down uncontrollably one of my thumbs jumping back toward my palm. I closed my eyes looking away.

That was why I used my rubbing rock all the time, if I kept my hands moving all the time I wouldn’t have to see them shaking. Ms.Morgan took my hands in hers,they felt warm compared to my frozen ones.

“Megan, you have moderate to severe Anxiety.”

I opened my eyes and looked down at her hands holding mine. I wasn’t surprised by the diagnosis, I had suspected as much for months. I stared at her hands holding mine and my grip tightened squeezing as if I could grasp the strength inside them, absorb it.

What’s it like? I wondered What’s it like to be strong? What’s it like to not be afraid?

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” she said to me compassionately “You’ll get through this, we’re here to help get you through this. It’ll take time and a lot of patience and hard work but I’m here to help you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I looked up at her crying;for months I had felt alone with everything. I had been too afraid of how my mother and friends would react to tell them how scared I was too afraid to ask the constant questions in my mind about whether or not they were angry or hated me even though I knew deep down that they would never hate me.

Ms.Morgan pulled me into a strong hug and I started sobbing into her shoulder. “It’ll be alright Megan. We’ll teach you how to fight it, we have ways to ease the symptoms. We’ll help you feel safe and be able to do what you love.”

I forced myself to let go and stepped back as I whipped my eyes annoyed at myself for crying. Ms.Morgan walked upto the door and held it open for me smiling. “Come on. I have something to show to you.”

I went out the door and she opened the locker handing me back my cards and rubbing rock. I gripped it in my hand and let my fingers move across its smooth surface letting the constant energy inside them have a purpose.

Ms.Morgan led me down a hallway and through some doors to another hallway lined with doors at the end of the hall she opened a door into a room. 

The room was dim with soft blue lights on the walls shining toward the ground. A desk stood with a computer next to the desk. There was a large rectangular box lying next to it that reminded me of a coffin. I stepped into the room looking at the strange box. I saw that inside there was a pillow and bedding that looked like the memory foam on the bottom of shoes. 

Ms.Morgan stepped up to the computer and booted it up logging in with a password. 

“How do you spell your name Megan?” 

“M-e-g-a-n W-i-l-l-i-n-g-t-o-n.” I said spelling it out. She typed it into the computer.

“Alright here you are!” I looked at the screen and saw my picture from school along with my information and medical history. She reached down and opened a drawer taking out a sheet of wax papers with electrode stickers on it. She motioned to the bed and I sat down. She set to work putting on stickers though not as many as they had back at the transport center.

“Didn’t you already do this at the transport center?” I asked as she put on the stickers.

“Yes, but that was just to make sure the tests were accurate and since your mind and thoughts change we need to see what you’re feeling now not just back at the center.” 

She connected some gray wires to the stickers on my head. I looked at the pillow and saw that there were wires that were connected to the box that the bed was on. Why wasn’t she connecting those wires to the electrodes? The ones she was connecting led to the computer by the monitor.

She went over to the desk again and opened another drawer pulling out another sheet of stickers only these ones had a blue pattern on them instead of the red ones she had just put on me. She started putting those to my head as well.

I glanced at the drawers she had taken them out of and saw that there were labels on them. The one she had taken the first electrodes out of had the label Scanner I looked at the one below where she had gotten the blue ones and saw it was labeled Transmitter.

Transmitter? Transmit what? I wondered nervously rubbing my rock in my cold hands.

I glanced at the computer and saw that there was what looked like a rectangular graph filling half of the screen with lines jumping up and down like the spikes on an earthquake reading machine. Scans from the electrodes.

Ms.Morgan put her warm hands on my shoulders and I realized that they were high and tense and I tried to get them to relax. She pulled out some of the blue transmitter electrodes and a small box with skinny wires like on old earbuds I’d seen sticking out of it. She stuck some of the blue electrodes to my shoulders and on my back connecting the small wires to them.

“Lay down” she said patting the pillow behind me. I laied down and she started connecting the wires I had seen before to the electrodes she had put on my head. I gripped my rock in my hand so hard it hurt but it was a welcome distraction from the thoughts racing through my head.

What are these things? What will they do to me? Will they hurt me? What does transmit mean? Is this some sort of mind control? Should I ask her what will happen? What if she gets mad at me? Please don’t hurt me!…

If I had been alone I would have tried to talk to myself or comfort myself somehow but I didn’t want to look strange to Ms.Morgan. I stuck to my thoughts to try and calm myself down.

Easy,Easy honey. I thought imagining someone saying it to me to calm me down. Easy, everything will be alright. Nothing will hurt you,I promise.

Ms.Morgan walked upto the computer and I saw number sequences on the side next to the graph showing what the scanning electrons were seeing. She clicked on one of the sequences and another graph appeared under the one already there with lines that were smaller and less jumpy. For some reason she said a number.

“Sixteen” She clicked on the play button in front of the graph.

I gasped in shock. The fear I had been feeling just before had vanished along with the pain in my back from my tense muscles. I let out a deep breath as I felt my entire body relax. It felt strange to have my body just laying there all relaxed. I hadn’t felt like that for so long it was odd,it was amazing but…odd.

I felt tears of relief and joy fill my eyes. Ms.Morgan looked over at me a shy,knowing smile on her face.

“How’s it feel?”

I closed my eyes, basking in the bliss of the moment. I never wanted it to end. 

“This…this is beautiful”

Thank you! I thought thank you whoever created this! You are now my new favorite person! 

Ms.Morgan let me lay there and enjoy the rest and relaxation. She brought a blanket from a cabinet and put it over me because it was cold; not that I would ever complain about the cold when I felt like this. It was enough for me to not be in pain and be able to let it all go.

So this is why no one told me I thought a smile on my face. Makes sense, I’d never ruin this for anyone not in a million years.

I moved a bit just to make sure I could with my body feeling so relaxed almost like it was asleep. My hands felt so steady without their constant shaking. I looked up at the computer screen and saw that the lines on the top graph from the scanners were identical to the ones on the bottom transmitter screen. I smiled at the computer on the desk.

I still had questions about things- one of which was how in the world I had never heard about this thing-but they could wait, for now I had only one job that I was planning on doing.

Relaxing.