Dangerous

I sat on the couch, my mind spinning. I had nothing to do, nothing to focus on, no books to read with the library closed and I had gotten all of my homework done that I needed to do. All I could do was sit and think; and thinking was dangerous.

Sounds and images flash through my mind like a television flickering between fuzzy channels. I can feel myself shaking with tension though I’m not sure why yet. Am I afraid or is it just how high the air conditioner is?

Please don’t hurt me. Why am I thinking that? I’m alone, what could hurt me?

Chains…darkness..cruelty…pain…fear. Memories. Memories of dreams, of nightmares. That was long ago. It’s gone now. Why do I still fear it?

My body is trembling,getting smaller to try and hide. Like I could escape, run away, find somewhere safe. My lungs gasp for air trying to get a deep breath to try and calm me down. Is it possible to have PTSD from something that never really happened in real life?

Please!..begging…crying…pleading. More memories. Nightmares. Just don’t hurt me. Please..Please…Please…

“Shhhhhh” I slump back like a puppet with their strings cut. The hand clutching my other arm is my own but it feels like someone else’s. Someone more calm and strong than me.

“Shhhhhh,relax” I take a deep breath and hold it just long enough that it won’t come out as a shudder. I sigh sinking deeper into the cushions.

“You’re safe,you’re safe, nothing will hurt you.” I reach out and touch my legs to make them relax and put a hand on my head pushing it down the last inch so it is lying against the cushions and my neck is able to release the tension built up inside it. Another breath,another sigh.

“Rest”

I cover my eyes with my hand, my arm over the ear not against the armrest. I lay there soaking in the silence and dark that I hadn’t noticed I needed. Slowly everything fades until I’m just lying there staring at the dark leather. No memories, no fears.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep.