Upload (Pt.5)

Opening my eyes I groaned my head feeling like I’d banged it against a wall for an hour. I glanced over at my alarm clock finding it was almost time for me to get up but I didn’t want to move instead laying there waiting for the pain in my head to subside.

Terminated. 

If these dreams were to be believed those people were going to use me as bait and then kill me. I shoved the thought aside, they were just dreams. Braxton and Lexi were gone now I wouldn’t let some random nightmares ruin my chance to get my life back to normal!

Getting up and getting ready I ate a breakfast of waffles with powdered sugar and drove to the school glad to get everything back to how it was and not have to worry about seeing Braxton. 

When I arrived I was surprised to find that all the lockers seemed to have a slightly lighter coloring, the gray seeming a bit more light and the white board in my history class seemed brighter and more white but I shoved the thought aside. At lunch Braxton and Lexi never appeared and I was confident that they had finally decided to leave me be for a while.

After school I went home doing my homework, ate dinner and then took a shower wanting to catch up on my missed sleep from last night. Drying off and putting on my robe everything felt like it would go back to normal for once and for the first time in days everything seemed to be getting back on track.

That was…until I saw the words appearing in my mirror.

Go to sleep.

We need to talk.

-Your friend Jason

I stepped closer to the mirror waving my hand in front of it to see if there was anything or anyone in front of it like a ghost but I felt nothing but air. Swiping my hand over the mirror I tried to get rid of the message and pretend it had never happened,but the steam didn’t smear the message as stark as it had been before. I tried again and again even getting paper towels and windex to try and clean the mirror to no effect. The message stayed silently urging me to go to bed and I sighed angrily admitting defeat. I started to go out the door when more words appeared under the first line.

PS. Don’t worry. No uploads today.

Well that’s good I guess. I thought heading up to bed trusting the message to disappear on its own. Laying in bed I again went over everything that had happened in the dreams and what Braxton and Lexi had told me. 

I could find quite a few holes in their conspiracy now that I had time to think about it, least of which was the idea of the world being a simulation. My parents were clearly alive, I had memories of my past that had nothing to do with any uprisings or rebellions-such as when my family had gone to disneyland when I was five-I wasn’t some kind of blank slate, and as far as I was concerned there was nothing interesting enough about me to possibly mark me as part of some grand revolution.

These self assurances in mind I fell asleep to face whatever Jason wanted to talk about. He wouldn’t change my mind. This was my reality.

***

I opened my eyes to find Jason sitting at his desk. He looked over at me jumping at seeing my eyes open.

“You should say something when you wake up or at least let me wake you! What if the commander was in here?!”

I shrugged. “If I said something and he was in here he would have found out.”

Jason shrugged. “At least let me tell you it’s clear before you open your eyes. He could have been looking right at you and you wouldn’t know it!”

I nodded a bit conceding the point. Jason rolled his chair over to me. “So what do you think about what Braxton and Lexi told you?”

My eyes widened slightly. He knew that I had talked to Braxton and Lexi?! I mentaly shrugged it didn’t matter.

“Doesn’t matter. What they say isn’t real.”

Jason looked at me confused. “How do you know?”

“Well if what they said is true I’ve had my memory wiped and that’s impossible.”

“Putting you in a simulation is impossible as well so you say.” Jason gestured with his arms at the room around us. “And yet here we are.”

“Even if mind wiping technology did exist that doesn’t change the fact that it’s stupid.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “Stupid?”

“Well yeah,” I said, shrugging my shoulders a bit at the obviousness. “If what Braxton said is true I was part of a rebellion. You don’t just capture someone and immediately wipe their memory. You’d lose any information they could give you. Brainwashing them? Maybe a better idea, but just erasing their memory? It’s stupid.”

Jason nodded sitting back. “You’re right. Immediately wiping your memory would have been stupid of them.”

“Would?”

Jason stood up walking to my other side where he pulled back the blanket covering me so I could see my left arm. A long, jagged scar ran down the inside of my arm from my shoulder to nearly my elbow. I shuddered.

“It would have been stupid of them.” Jason continued gently covering my arm with the blanket again hiding it from my sight. “But that’s not what they did. They tortured you for information first. Me as well.”

“Y-you?” I was still shocked at seeing what they had done to me.

He nodded pulling back his lab coat sleeve to show me a smaller scar on his own arm. “I might have joined them but they still insisted on using any means necessary to get information out of me.”

Jason pulled down his sleeve again and sat back down in his chair hands clasped between his knees. “As for the brainwashing that was their original plan with you, but you had a way of getting past their efforts. In the end they decided to wipe your memory instead. Try and start fresh.”

“So…I’m brainwashed?”

He shook his head. “No. I stopped them from doing anything like that but… I wasn’t able to reach you before they erased your memory. I’m sorry Alexsis.”

“It wasn’t your fault. Besides, memory erasing doesn’t exist.”

Jason rubbed his forehead as if I was giving him a headache. He glanced up at me. “Is there any way I can convince you?”

I shook my head defiant in my belief. If this was what my life was I didn’t want to wake up.

Jason rubbed his chin trying to find a way to convince me. He glanced over at the computers and an idea seemed to come to mind. He nodded to himself turning back to me.

“Alexsis, at your school there is a boy you know as Henry correct?”

I nodded. “Yeah,why?”

“He’s a spy sent in to watch you. His real name is Harry Carthwich. I want you to remember that, got it? Harry Carthwich.”

I nodded. “Harry Carthwich.”

Jason smiled. “Very good. Someone is going to call Henry by Harry Carthwich tomorrow and I need you to keep a watch on him and see how he reacts alright?”

I rolled my eyes. This was ridiculous but I would go along with it. Jason went over to the pole next to me flipping switches and pressing buttons and I felt the now familiar feeling of cold wash over me as my eyes started to drift closed.

“Harry Carthwich. Remember.”

I nodded falling asleep.

***

I went to school a part of me keeping my ears peeled for any mention of the name Harry Carthwich. I didn’t expect to hear anything and didn’t feel like anything would happen. Going to my classes I listened to the teachers call out roll listening for the name but none of them said anything outside of the ordinary. By lunch I was about ready to just ignore the dream I’d had like I should have from the beginning when I saw a message appear on the inside of my locker door as I got out my lunch.

The message is coming soon.

Remember Henry’s name is Harry Carthwich!

I rubbed the words etched on the door looking at the lock to try and see how whoever had left the message had gotten in but it showed no signs. Pulling out my lunch I closed my locker door with a clang turned my dial to zero and started walking to the table for lunch.

Henry was already sitting at the table and as I started walking up a boy with a stoic face walked up to him speaking loudly to be heard above the clamor of people talking and laughing.

“Harry Chathwich you are requested at the office immediately.”

I heard a thunk as my lunch fell from my limp fingers hitting the ground. I didn’t pick it up, my eyes glued on Henry as he nodded standing and walking away towards the office.

Henry? I felt tears come to my eyes, a feeling of betrayal in my heart. Realization dawned on me like an icy blast as I remembered everything Braxton had told me. 

“I-It’s true.”

I left my lunch on the ground running into the bathroom and locking myself in a stall as tears started streaming down my cheeks. 

It’s true. Everything. Everything they said was true.

I fell to the ground looking at the stall around me. This was a prison. The school, my house. This entire world. There was nowhere to run. These walls were nothing but data and every person I met was either a spy or some kind of computer program. I looked down at my arms touching the place where Jason had shown me the scar. This wasn’t even my own body was it? I wiped my tears with my hands smearing makeup on them. These tears were not real.

But it felt real.

I leaned back trying to take deep breaths to try and calm down and stop hyperventilating. I needed to think. I needed to figure out what to do. Even though doing anything other than sit here terrified me and threatened more sobs to start.

“Alexsis?”

I froze holding my breath to try and stop my sobs. I didn’t know who had said my name and I didn’t see anyone outside my stall but I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would look to any spies who checked on me sitting sobbing in a bathroom stall for no apparent reason, and what would happen if they found out that I knew my whole life was a lie.

Termination,Torture,Useless…

“Alexsis? Can you hear me?” The voice said again and I realized it was coming from my phone in my jacket pocket. I pulled it out dropping it in my haste and instinctively worrying about breaking it then shoved the thought aside. It wasn’t real. I turned it around and looked at the screen shocked to find Jason’s face looking sympathetically up at me.

“You saw the message?” He asked solemnly.

I bit my lip nodding as more hot tears flowed down my cheeks soaking into my knees as I curled into a ball hiding my face the phone still gripped in my hand.

“I’m sorry Alexsis.” Jason said by my ear. “But you had to know. You had to know what’s going on. You needed to know what’s at stake.”

“Yeah.” I said trying to get my voice under control. “Everything is fake, I’m all alone, and they’re going to kill me!”

I curled myself tighter as more sobs rose in my chest. Everyone I knew was against me. Henry was a spy, probably along with all my other friends and my parents. My parents. They weren’t my parents. My parents were dead. They had been dead for six years.

The thought broke the wall I was trying to use to hold back my tears and I fell into more sobbing as Jason tried to talk to me through the phone.

“Alexis! Alexsis listen! I won’t let them kill you. For now you are safe. It is alright that you know as long as you don’t let on that you have become aware.”

I wiped my eyes building a wall against any thoughts of my parents. I had survived for six years without them hadn’t I? I knew how to take care of myself. I was safe as long as they didn’t know that I knew their secret.

“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked, laying my head back against the wall. “Pretend that nothing is wrong? Act like my world isn’t a prison?”

Jason nodded a small smile on his face. “Precisely. We’ll figure this out; we just need time. Braxton and the others are out there doing whatever they can to rescue you and I’m here as well watching over you. You’re not alone. We’re both gathering needed information, but for now your job is to stay as calm as you can and give them no reason to suspect you. Do you think you can do that?”

I took a deep breath letting it out slowly through my mouth. I nodded, “I think so.”

“Good. Here I’ll get your lunch for you. Take as much time as you need but make sure you’re on time for your next class.”

I could hear him typing on his keyboard and a moment later my lunch box appeared out of the air in front of me sitting on the ground. Normally I would be in awe of that sort of thing but a teleporting lunchbox was the least strange thing that had happened to me recently.

“I’ll talk to you tonight, no uploads. Alright Alexsis?”

I nodded, taking another deep breath. “Ok.”

Jason gave me a comforting smile. “See you then.” The screen went black.

I pulled my lunchbox into my lap, opened it, and ate some of my sandwich. As I ate I realised that I probably didn’t need to eat food to survive in this data world and wondered how the people holding me captive were keeping me alive when I was actually in a coma. The thought made me uneasy.

The bell rang all too soon and I forced myself to get up checking myself in a mirror and wiping away some of my smeared make up with water from the sink. Once I looked reasonably presentable and had gathered my things I took a deep breath and headed out into the hallway.

***

The first class was the hardest. Walking in I saw my friend Ashley and was almost overwhelmed with more tears thinking about how my friend was either a programmed AI or a spy and felt overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and nerves with all the eyes on me. Through will I forced myself not to cry and relax my muscles thinking about Lexi and how she had hugged me when I had first met her…or met her again. I wasn’t alone. I had friends and they were going to help me. When the teacher called on me later and I felt for sure that she had seen right through me I reminded myself of what Braxton had told me about being a part of a rebellion. I was a spy, I had probably done dangerous missions before. I relaxed and answered her question acting like I didn’t have a care in the world.

The hours seemed to drag on as I sat in class pretending to listen when my mind was really a world away. I looked around at my classmates sitting around me, questions flying around my mind that I had no answers to.

How many of them are spies? Are they watching me right now? How many of them are just programs and entirely digital? Are any of them prisoners like me? If they are,did we know each other before my memory got wiped? Is the teacher a spy or just a program? Did any of what she’s teaching actually happen in the real world? What are Braxton and Lexi doing right now? When will they come back?

I was tempted to write these thoughts down on the empty note paper sitting in front of me that I used to pretend I was taking notes but refrained worried someone would see it and figure out my secret. I would have to keep my thoughts to myself for now. When the day finally ended I rushed to my car relieved to get back to the relative safety of my house. At least there I didn’t feel like people were staring at me.

That night I took a shower to help me calm my nerves, put on my pajamas and got into bed excited to talk to Jason and ask him about all the questions in my mind. Maybe we could come up with a plan somehow, or he could send a message to Braxton and Lexi to let them know that I believed them now?

I wished that they would come back so I could apologize to them.They had more of an idea on what to do about these sorts of things than I did. I wondered what my life had been like with them before my memory had been erased. Could there be a way I could remember those times, or were my memories gone forever?

My eyes drooped closed and I woke up.

***

I peaked an eye open to make sure the coast was clear before opening both of my eyes. The room was dark and the only person that I could see was Jason who was looking at me. When my eyes opened he smiled wheeling his chair over to me.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

I glanced at him confused. “Is it morning? um..out here I mean?”

Jason shook his head. “No. The simulation and the real world run parallel to each other now; so it’s night here as well. That way it’s easier for the spies to do their work without a time change. Uh most of them…” He gestured around the room. “I don’t apply. They make me work all hours. As you know.”

I looked around the room for the first time noticing a padded bench with a pillow and some crumpled blankets. Jason slept here? It reminded me of some questions I had for him.

“Jason? Braxton and the others said that you betrayed me during the mission I was captured but…you don’t act like you betrayed me. You didn’t tell that commander guy I was awake and you keep helping me… you seem like as much of a prisoner as I am…I don’t think you actually betrayed me like they think you did Jason. What actually happened during the mission?”

Jason looked away from me. “I want to tell you, but I can’t. Not yet anyways. There’s just too much at stake. As long as you’re a part of the simulation it’s too dangerous for you to know. If N.I.N. finds out it could be the end of both of us.”

I nodded understanding, we were in danger. Now was not the time to share secrets. But man did I want to know!

I looked at the walls around us trying to imagine what the world outside looked like. What the real world looked like. I realized I knew nothing about that world. Nothing that really existed beyond this room. I didn’t even know who I was. Who had I been? Why did I join the rebellion? Was I important or just one random person in a large group? What did I know before? Did I have training in a certain skill? What had I done, what had I seen that I would no longer recognize?

There was a world out there. One I knew literally nothing about.

“Jason? W-who am I?” I hesitantly asked, looking at his confused face. “My entire life is a lie. At least what I remember and…I don’t know anything about this place..this world. I don’t even know why I ended up a prisoner. What was I fighting for?”

What did I feel was worth so much risk? Why did I join the rebellion in the first place? Why was I fighting?

Jason nodded leaning forwards in his chair, his hand rubbing his chin. He looked at me seriously.

“You are Alexsis Everson. You are one of the bravest,most caring people I have ever met. You have fought beside some of the bravest people in the world, had the kindest parents I ever had the privilege of meeting and were raised by some of the best, most caring, leaders I have ever seen. If anyone can face a new world with open arms and find out who they were you can.”

I looked down. Had I really been all of that? Who was it I had fought beside? Would they still want to fight for me? A girl that didn’t know anything of this world? I had nothing to give their cause.

“I don’t know if they’d still want me anymore. I’m…not who they remember. I don’t know anything about being in a rebellion.”

Jason held my hand shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what you do and do not know. What you can’t remember. They are your friends just like me. They won’t give up on you. You will be free again Alexsis. I promise.”

“I wish I could remember them. I feel bad for how I treated Braxton and Lexi…I should have listened to them. I’m..not even sure if they’re coming back.”

Jason squeezed my hand. “They will. I had to lock them out for a bit but I’m going to open the door again so they can come in. Then you can talk to them about everything.”

“But…how will I find them? Won’t they get you in trouble with that commander guy again?”

“They’ll find you, or send you a message. Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

“I still don’t know where we are. Lexi and the others need to know before they can save us.”

“I’m looking into it. I’m close to getting into their systems. Once I find out where we are I’ll contact you.”

Footsteps sounded coming towards us and Jason stood flicking levers and sending me back into the simulation.

***

I opened my eyes to my bedroom and told myself to get ready for the day. I didn’t dare think too far ahead or about how my life was all fake. If I did that I might just curl up into a ball and be unable to do anything. Instead I got dressed giving myself instructions like objectives in a mission. I had done those before right?

Step one change and get some breakfast without looking suspicious. I thought to myself. Two, get to school and find some way to contact Braxton and Lexi. Three, figure out where my body is so they can rescue me. And do all of that without getting caught.

Once I was changed and had done my make up and hair (Even though I didn’t feel at all like doing it today I mainly did it because I was worried I would look too suspicious if I didn’t.) I went down the stairs to grab some breakfast stopping short at seeing my parents sitting at the table.

My parents are dead. 

They hadn’t looked up and for a moment I stared at them, tears welling in my eyes ruining my freshly done makeup. Did they look like my real parents? What had they been like? Would these spies miss me when I was gone? Had they grown to love the girl they had captured, or would they be happy they didn’t have to babysit me anymore?

My mother looked up a worried look coming to her eyes at seeing me crying. “What’s wrong dear?”

I smiled trying to wipe away my tears. “Nothing.” 

Everything.

My mother looked at the clock jolting. “You better get some breakfast quick or you’ll be late for school!”

I nodded grabbing some granola bars and my lunch heading for the door unsure what would happen if I stayed with them for too long. What I might reveal.

As I rounded the corner to go out the door I looked back one last time. They may have been spies, they may have been faking the love they showed me, for all I knew they might not have even been people; but they were the only parents I could remember.

Thank you. I thought towards their turned backs. You might have never meant it, but thank you for giving me the life I know. Thank you for at least pretending to love me.

With that I turned away from my digital parents for the last time and walked out the door.